We haven’t had the best 2 weeks. Joshua had a fever for a few days. It was nothing major, but Anthony and I had to juggle our work schedules a lot, and that is no fun. All parents know what I’m talking about. You feel guilty because you’re annoyed that your kid is sick, and it isn’t anyone’s fault. Kids just get sick.
However, it did come on the heels of some bad news for us… Montreat College announced last week that it is shutting down its Music department and other personnel cuts. Anthony has taught 2 evening classes each semester for probably the past 8 years, which has been great for our income and also for his continued exposure to the academic world. Anthony could be quite an amazing music professor, to be honest. He has great real world experience but he also thinks on a crazy intellectual academic level. I am realizing how tenuous being a professor would be, though! It isn’t a stable job by a long shot!
I must admit my own selfish and idolatrous heart. When he told me the news, I automatically thought about how it affected us. This isn’t our primary income, but the loss isn’t an amount we can just make up by cutting out the babysitters and super-couponing at the grocery store. It does require major adjustments, and we already don’t have too much wiggle room. So all last week I was totally freaked out. I tried and tried to come up with a new budget, and kept coming up empty. I tried and tried to stop worrying, and that didn’t work. I tried and tried to avoid admitting that I have serious issues with money and security, but God didn’t let me escape!
Anthony has been far more concerned for the full-time faculty who lost their jobs. His reaction was different from mine, and I just assumed that is because he doesn’t pay our bills. But after this morning I realized that isn’t the case. I had a 10 minute conversation (an unexpected "divine appointment") with a friend who has recently lost their job and therefore their kids may not be able to go to college, and they are battling some health issues that affect job performance (and subsequently the ability to get a new job and health insurance). I don’t want my friend to have a hard time, and then I realized that’s how Anthony has felt for his colleagues. Relationships make all the difference. Suddenly my friend’s difficulties made our loss look very small, and my silly budget worksheet just doesn’t matter that much.
So, perspective changes. That’s a good thing. But it isn’t my perspective about our income situation that needs to change. God is always about transforming the heart, and this one event made a whole bunch of mess pop out of me and reveal how self-sufficient I want to be and how self-focused I really am. Sure, we have some money issues. Honestly, I have no idea how we’ll pay for braces or other major expenses. But more so, I need to die to myself and be transformed. That sounds so good and noble, but it isn’t so pretty in everyday life! I have to trust God has a greater perspective than I do. No matter how it scares me, following Him is more important than a healthy financial plan.
I promise a picture of the kids or a funny story in the next post – nothing quite so serious!
0 comments:
Post a Comment